The Role of Family Accommodation in OCD: When Helping Hurts
Living with OCD is hard. Watching someone you love struggle with it can be just as painful. It’s natural for family members to want to help—to ease the anxiety, stop the rituals, and offer constant reassurance. But sometimes, what feels like help is actually making things worse. This pattern is called family accommodation, and it's a common barrier to OCD recovery.
What is Family Accommodation?
Family accommodation refers to any behavior from a loved one that enables or participates in the person’s OCD rituals. This can include:
Answering repeated reassurance questions
Avoiding triggering topics or places
Participating in rituals
Helping the person avoid distress or discomfort
While these actions may reduce conflict in the short term, they reinforce the idea that the person needs their compulsions to feel safe.
Why It Feels Helpful (But Isn’t)
Family members are often motivated by love and fear. Watching someone spiral with anxiety is agonizing, and it’s tempting to do whatever it takes to make them feel better. But accommodating OCD prevents the person from learning that anxiety is tolerable and that compulsions aren’t necessary.
What You Can Do Instead
Learn about ERP: Exposure and Response Prevention is the gold standard treatment. Understanding its goals can help you support your loved one’s treatment.
Set boundaries with compassion: Say things like, “I know this is hard, but I’m working on not giving reassurance so you can get stronger.”
Work with a therapist: Many OCD therapists involve family members in the process, helping everyone learn how to respond in helpful, growth-oriented ways.
OCD impacts the whole family. Healing does too.
